Author Chat with Kelly S. Thompson

Hey book friends!

It’s my great pleasure to host talented memoirist, Kelly S. Thompson, on the blog today. I’ve been a fangirl of Kelly’s since reading her debut memoir, Girls Need Not Apply. She’s joining us today to chat about her sophomore offering, Still, I Cannot Save You, a book that now lives on my forever shelf. Did I mention she’s Canadian?! It always brings me joy to help uplift my fellow CanLit authors out there in the wild.

I’ve always loved reading memoir. As a fiction author, I can hide behind characters and plot. But memoirists are laid bare on the page so that we might find connection, meaning, and reflection in their stories.

I have to admit, this is one of my favourite chats thus far, and I hope you enjoy it too!

Thanks always for dropping by,

A :-) xo

AK: In your beautiful memoir, you write candidly about many topics, such as grief, mental health, addictions, intimate partner abuse, and the heartbreaking ravages of cancer. Writing is often cathartic and therapeutic, however, delving into difficult experiences, especially when they are deeply personal, can take a toll. 

Can you give us some insight into what your writing process was like during this? Did you have to step back at times to be able to care for yourself?

KST: Goodness, sometimes I’m still not sure I survived it. There were days at my computer where I just spent the whole day sobbing because it was so very fresh at the time. This book actually formed my PhD, which for some reason, I considered a good idea to start two months after Meghan died! Ultimately, writing the book came down to the fact that I made my sister a promise to write it, and I was determined to keep that promise. I also felt this real immediate need to get to work because I was processing so many feelings around her death–not just grief, but anger over so many of the choices she made that continued to negatively impact the family once she was gone. I was hungry, in the wake of that loss, to read other books where the person who died wasn’t this perfect, martyred person, and those books were hard to find. I wrote what my own heart needed. When I struggle emotionally in a book, I think of all the other people out there who need to see some element of their own lives reflected somewhere so that they feel seen, and that is the power of nonfiction to me. I am a better writer and person when I consider those tangible readers on the other side.

AK: As a reader, this book offers so much. I often stopped to shed a tear and reflect on my own experiences of loss, grief, and siblinghood. As the author, what did writing the book offer you? How were you different at the end of the process, if at all.

KST: Grief really changes us, and what I really wanted was to find some beauty in what had been a profoundly ugly experience because otherwise, I wasn’t sure I could keep putting one foot in front of the other. Writing the book didn’t change me, per se, but it let me continue the conversation with my sister, to untie the knots of confusion I felt around our complicated, messy love.

Losing my sister highlighted for me the grace I have to move in this world with such privilege of safety, security, love. My sister lacked a lot of those things. I’ll never take them for granted.

AK: Meghan was clearly a champion of your writing dream. There’s a touching scene when she, in a sense, gives her blessing for the book we have now. Did that permission help you move forward, knowing it’s something she would have wanted? Do you wonder what she would think about the book?

KST: My cheerleader for life! Meghan was, I always said, my biggest fan. Because my sister left behind two children, it would have been hard to write without that consideration she gave me. A nudge, even. She liked to think about how her battle with addiction might help someone else, but also, Meghan really struggled with what she saw as a lack of legacy. Her kids were so young when she died, and she knew she wouldn’t be there in their lives, and of course, that haunted her. I wanted them to know what a complex, hilarious, smart, irritating woman she was, and above all, how fiercely she loved them. I hold all the letters she’s written them for their futures, the jewellery she wanted to pass on, and I feel like one day, we will have this moment of sharing this beautiful woman who we all cherished.

As for Meghan liking the book…gosh, it could have been complete garbage and she’d have heralded it. Ha. That was one of her strong suits–she loved fiercely and without restriction. It’s been a lesson for me to learn.

AK:  I feel as authors it’s important to share the truth we know. As a fiction author, I can hide behind characters and plot. As a memoirist, it’s more complex. What kind of considerations do you undertake, knowing that not everyone might want their story told. Is consultation before or after a factor?

KST: Uh. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t battle this on the daily, and when I teach, it’s something everyone wants to know. “How do I not offend people!” I do consult major people in my life if I’m writing something sensitive, and have backed off stories and subjects that close family don’t want told. Worrying too much about what other people thing can be completely stifling for the work, though. I trust that I have editors and agents who will tell me if something is off, if my anger at a character is really showing through. It comes down to motivation–if I’m writing a book for revenge, readers are smart. They’ll see through it, and the story won’t ring true.

But when it comes to writing memoir and real people and stories, I’m motivated by two things.

1. Bullies don’t always get to tell the story.

Sometimes, our culture relies on our discomfort with conflict in order to keep some stories quiet. Abusers do the same. I remember I was about to publish an essay and I was worried about some blowback and the editor said it was 100% my choice but that bullies shouldn’t always get to win. That stayed with me.

2. I must show the nuance of everyone involved.

My first book, dealing with harassment in the Forces, required me to also take a hard look at my own role in perpetuating negative military culture, so I make sure to own my own ugliness on the page. In Still, I Cannot Save You, I had to make it clear that I was often ignorant and judgmental when it came to my sister’s addiction and so I wasn’t always a good person either. Things things build trust between the narrator and the reader.

Ultimately, you have to trust your writing to do the labour of showing the good and bad, the murky grey area in between. Because that is where story is. No one wants to be measured by their bad decisions, so it’s my job to hold it all up to the light and look at things from all angles. 

AK: I saw on your social media that you’re writing a fiction manuscript and was very excited about that. Can you share any details? What’s next for you?

Yes! After reading endlessly about grief and death for years, I’ve been glad to take a fiction break. But goodness, the possibilities! I’m in awe of how fiction writers take all the wild options available and somehow squeeze out a plot from that. Ha. I’m not sure what I think is trickier, genre-wise!

I just sent my fiction work off to my agent, which is all about a woman who works at a sleep clinic and has a history of violence that is all very hush-hush. It came to me after doing a sleep study…ever had one of those?…and they hook you up to 900 sensors and train a camera on you for monitoring and I thought–can you imagine if the guy running this study was creepy? We laughed about how he basically had the weirdest, creepiest job and so my character Evelyn was born!

As for what’s next, I’m on a constant state of move because my husband is still in the military, so we just moved to the US for a position for a few years. I’m still teaching at University of King’s MFA in Creative Nonfiction program, and starting some super in-depth research for my next book. Life is good. Busy. But I don’t take it for granted that every day I sit in my office and do work I love. What a gift that is.

Kelly S. Thompson has an MFA and PhD in Creative Writing and works as a mentor at the King’s MFA Nonfiction program. She has won several awards for her writing, and was longlisted for the 2021 CBC Nonfiction prize, shortlisted for the 2023 CBC Nonfiction Prize, and was shortlisted for a 2021 National Magazine Award. Her essays, fiction and poetry have appeared in Chatelaine, the Globe and Mail, and Macleans, as well as literary magazines and anthologies. Her memoir, Girls Need Not Apply, was an instant bestseller and named a top 100 Books of 2019 by the Globe and Mail. Her second book, Still, I Cannot Save You, released spring 2023. 

Where to Find Kelly on Socials:

Twitter: KellyS_Thompson
Instagram: Kellysthompsonwriter